The Dilated Pupil's Reviews

GF was away for the weekend which meant crappy B-movies without any "doesn't that guy see the killer?" or "why is that girl topless?". Kidding of course, normally she just browses the internets when my movie tastes devolve into that of a 13 year old boy.

After an attempt to watch H.O.T.S based on what I realize now as a sarcastic recommendation by John Waters and a short period of fast-forward induced "Troma Presents..." I decided to switch on Whirly Girl. I had heard WG was a terrible attempt a being a serious indie flick. Surprisingly, the main characters are pretty well acted though I think I may be falling into the English accent trap. The movie is completely awful and wreaks of a Canadian production crew. But thanks to Netflix on XBLA it was easy to find a movie that would restore my faith in movies-The Eiger Sanction.

The Eiger Sanction is a classic 70's movie. Before I get started, I'm a huge fan of movies from this era. They have men that aren't afraid to be men and no CGI. I went to school for CG and hated it.

Eiger Sanction is basically Eastwood doing Dirty Harry doing James Bond and it's awesome. No whinny, I-need-to-discover-who-I-am B.S., this guy is an assassin and he doesn't mind it. He climbs mountains, brawls in bars and isn't afraid to slap a girl. That's right, you heard me. He has an art collection and meets a girl named Jamima Brown. I can't believe you're not watching this movie by now. Alright...

The movie is worth watching for the amazing stunts which actually claimed a professional climbers life. Eastwood does all of his own stunts which will blow your mind when you see what they climb in this movie.

Remember, while it won't make you a good mountain climber it is just like wearing Old Spice, it will make you more of a man.

Oh, then I watched John Landis try to repeat the greatness that was American Werewolf in London with a movie about a Native American that turns into a deer and tramples men to death. It's called Deer Woman. Not kidding. I gave it 2 stars which means you should watch it at a party so that lots of people can witness the amazing lines that come from a movie about a NATIVE AMERICAN THAT TURNS INTO A DEER AND TRAMPLES MEN TO DEATH.